He asked to "fluff my boner.."
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
This toilet bowl is my home.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
