I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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