If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Randomize
