I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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