How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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