My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Randomize
