mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Randomize
