You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
