I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
As shirtless as possible
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
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