Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
Randomize
