i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
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