this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Randomize
