Welp...herpes.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Randomize
