does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
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