Old men and throwing up are my life now.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
