Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Randomize
