you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Randomize
