The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
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