my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
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so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
lol hangovers are for mortals.
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