He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
