coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
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