I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
