my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
vagina is talking i cant
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
I supernannyed him into submission
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
