What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
