she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
