I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
