He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
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