youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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