dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Randomize
