The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
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