Your mouth is God's brothel.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Randomize
