ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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