Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
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