In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
