so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Randomize
