its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
