you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
