You smell like a Billy Joel song
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
