do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
