I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
