I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
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