i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Randomize
