3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
You are a booty call, not a friend.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
