haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
