we're chasing vodka with high fives
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.