STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
