I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.