A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
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I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
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Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.