i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
19 Of The Creepiest (Most Inexplicable) Things People Experienced
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE