An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
