I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
