Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
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