No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Randomize
