i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
