all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
