All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
Less talking, more tequila
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
