1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
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