somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Randomize