Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
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