My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
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