i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
