Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
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