Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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