What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
