During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
No subtext here. People are naked.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
