dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
