you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
