A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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