I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize
