I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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