You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Randomize
