pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Randomize
