I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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