I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
