Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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