i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize
