I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
