Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
