I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Randomize
