:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
