I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
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