pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
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