I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Randomize
